Pastor Bolaji Idowu, lead pastor of Harvesters International Christian Centre, has advised people in marriages that threaten their health or lives to leave temporarily, stressing that saving a relationship should never come at the expense of personal safety.
The cleric shared the advice during a sermon on marriage and relationships on Sunday, October 11, 2026, while addressing the challenges couples face and the pressure to keep their marriages together even when the relationship becomes harmful.
Idowu acknowledged that marriage does not automatically guarantee happiness or companionship, noting that some people experience deep loneliness despite being married.
He encouraged couples to make deliberate efforts to build successful marriages but warned against interpreting such advice as an instruction to endure abuse.
“I’m gonna challenge you to make your marriage work, but before I challenge you, I want to say something very powerful: I’m careful lest you ever think because I’m challenging you, I’m also asking you to stay in an abusive relationship,” he said.
The pastor subsequently urged people whose relationships pose a threat to their health and lives to step away and seek solutions from a safe distance.
“Any marriage or relationship that is threatening your health and life, pack your load and leave temporarily. Fix the marriage from outside. If it is fixable, then you come back. I will not say if your marriage is killing you, stay there. I don’t believe that,” Idowu stated.
When asked whether he would advise someone to leave a marriage if their life was in danger, the cleric reportedly answered in the affirmative, emphasising that no one should risk dying in an attempt to preserve a marriage.
His remarks draw a distinction between working through ordinary marital disagreements and remaining in a relationship where abuse or serious threats to personal safety are present.
While reconciliation may be possible for some couples, Idowu’s message was that it should not require a person to remain exposed to danger. Taking time apart, he suggested, could allow couples to assess their situation and determine whether their relationship can be repaired.
The comments have added to ongoing conversations about marriage, domestic abuse and the pressure some people face from family, religious communities and society to remain in relationships regardless of their circumstances.
His advice ultimately places personal safety at the centre of the discussion, making clear that the desire to save a marriage should not be confused with an obligation to endure abuse.
