The child asked, “Was dad a virgin when he married you?”

DDM News

A Nigerian woman and former pastor’s wife, Coach Dee, has once again shed light on her deeply traumatic marriage, revealing how years of emotional and verbal abuse by her husband affected not only her but also their children.

Diaspora Digital Media (DDM) gathered that her story was made public during an interview with Femi Lazarus, where she candidly shared how the abuse began just three weeks into the marriage.

Coach Dee recalled the first instance vividly, stating that her husband gave her a harsh verbal attack, insulting both her and her mother.

She said he stormed out of the house and left her crying, only to return later that evening to apologize.

But that became a recurring cycle of abuse, apologies, and repeated trauma.

The abuse went beyond words, it created a toxic home environment, especially for their children.

“He would insult me regularly,” she said, “even calling my siblings names.”

She revealed that his favorite insult for her was “ashawo,” the Nigerian slang for prostitute, which he frequently used even in front of their children.

Despite the growing family, the verbal attacks never stopped, and the children began to internalize the violence they witnessed.

One day, one of her children asked, “What does ashawo mean?”

She responded honestly, telling the child it meant prostitute.

Then came the question that shattered her emotionally: “Why does Dad call you that?”

To which she replied, “Because he wasn’t the one who deflowered me.”

Coach Dee said her husband had always known about her past before marriage but later turned it against her.

“He said I had slept around, but I told him everything before we got married,” she emphasized.

What struck her hardest was a moment with her youngest child.

The child asked, “Was Dad a virgin when he married you?”

She replied, “No.”

Then the child asked, “Then why is he calling you that?”

She said she had no answer, only telling her child, “That’s something you’ll have to ask him.”

From a conservative Muslim family, Coach Dee said she was too ashamed to return home or tell her parents what she was going through.

She explained that she had been brainwashed and emotionally controlled, believing she had no choice but to endure the pain.

“I was just following my husband sheepishly,” she said.

Now out of the marriage, Coach Dee is using her voice to raise awareness and help other women escape abusive relationships.

“God is faithful,” she declared.

“He rescued me. I must give God all the glory.”

Her story has sparked renewed conversations about marital abuse, victim-shaming, and the mental toll of emotional violence, especially when masked by religious or cultural expectations.

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