Shocking revelation: How to know if your partner is micro-cheating

Cheating in relationships is usually clear, whether physical or emotional. But what about a partner being extra charming to someone else?

Experts say these small actions may be signs of “micro-cheating.”

What is micro-cheating?

According to Molly Burrets, a clinical psychologist, “Micro-cheating is the small behaviors that can sometimes be hard to pinpoint or prove that indicate there are boundary violations in a relationship.”

These actions include liking attractive people’s pictures on social media, sharing personal information with a colleague, or intense workplace flirting without taking it further.

“For example, revealing too much personal information to someone that you see regularly or intense flirting with someone at work, but never quite acting on it,” Burrets told CBS News.

Why do people micro-cheat?

Micro-cheating can be intentional or unintentional, according to Burrets.

“If a person has a pattern of pushing the boundaries in relationships and getting away with it, they might engage in these behaviors regularly and intentionally,” she said.

Some people do it because they feel unfulfilled in their relationship but don’t fully realize it.

“It also could be something about yourself, your own life, your own self-esteem and your own satisfaction overall, that is compelling you to get that attention fed elsewhere,” Burrets added.

According to Wendy Walsh, a relationship expert, micro-cheating may even have an evolutionary reason.

“All humans, no matter what relationship they’re in, always keep in the back of their minds a backup mate,” Walsh explained.

How micro-cheating affects relationships

Micro-cheating can damage relationships in several ways.

“We get a dopamine hit when we get attention and affection from others, and that dopamine hit is stronger when there’s novelty involved,” Burrets said.

“If we continue to put our energy in sources outside of our relationship, we only have so much bandwidth. And the danger is that we would neglect the nurturing and care of our own primary relationship.”

The effects on a partner vary.

“For some people, flirting is a totally harmless behavior,” Burrets said.

However, for others, it feels like a threat.

“It can be very dangerous because when you have one partner feeling threatened and not feeling that they have a safe relationship, they’re going to react in all kinds of ways,” Walsh warned.

Over time, this can erode trust and make a relationship feel unsafe.

How to prevent micro-cheating

Experts advise discussing boundaries and expectations early in a relationship.

“If exclusivity is part of your relationship, a lot of times we go in expecting that we both have the same concept of what exclusivity means, and we often don’t,” Burrets said.

Couples should ask questions like, “How do we define exclusivity? What does that mean to us in this relationship?”

What if you suspect your partner is micro-cheating?

If boundaries were never set, now is the time to talk about expectations.

“Ideally, you want to bring this up with a proactive tone, rather than a critical tone,” Burrets advised.

If a partner violates set boundaries, the conversation should be handled carefully.

“You don’t want to come at this discussion from an emotionally dysregulated place, because it’s likely to escalate and go absolutely nowhere,” she said.

Experts suggest using “I” statements instead of making accusations.

For example:

“I noticed when you liked those women’s pictures on Instagram that I had a feeling inside myself of worry that you are potentially going to leave me or that I wasn’t as attractive, and that feeling showed me how much I value you and our relationship,” Walsh said.

Can nicro-cheating lead to full cheating?

Micro-cheating doesn’t always lead to cheating, but it can be a slippery slope.

“Especially for people who are feeling unsatisfied in their relationship, and then an actual need appears to be getting met by the micro-cheating,” Burrets explained.

“It kind of reinforces the behavior and maybe makes it more likely that the person will keep pushing the boundary.”

To prevent problems, communication and clear boundaries are essential in every relationship.

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